I really, really hate that saying. Just because it sounds, well, TERRIBLE! It sounds awful to say and that's not at all what I think about my little girl. But her behavior recently? Not the greatest. Yesterday was overwhelming, tantrums after tantrums over the tiniest little details and while some parents might "let it go" and just "let the kid do what she wants to", they were basic things like changing clothes, brushing hair, brushing teeth that ended up in the meltdown central of 2011. And I'm sorry, but I strongly feel that if I set a precedent of allowing Brooke to "do what she wants to do," then it will kick me in the rear end the next time I need her to do it.
So we changed clothes. Tantrum. We brushed hair. Tantrum. We brushed teeth. Tantrum. And we sighed and started the morning over again.
So here's my question for you: does the terrible two's last the ENTIRE YEAR while they are two? And what did you do to help your kid through this rough stage of life? I know it's not enjoyable for her either, what with all the crying and screaming involved. My goodness. Vance and I want to raise a healthy, independent, kind and well-behaved little girl and we need advice (help) on how to do this. No, we don't expect her to behave in ALL circumstances and in every situation, but for the most part, yes, we do expect her to behave. It is important to us that she learns now that she can't do everything she wants to do (when she wants to do it), and she can't have everything she wants to have and it is not acceptable to have a screaming fit because of this fact.
I read a bunch of blogs and either (1) no one is admitting that their child is going through this stage, or (2) you all have angel children who never throw tantrums. And it would make me really sad if the overwhelming answer is number 2.
Haha- nope, behavior's definitely not perfect over here! Celia is very good, I'd say, for a 2-year-old, but we still have our share of meltdowns, whining, and her favorite: ignoring us when we tell her to do something :). If I see a tantrum coming on, I just try to head it off by redirecting her, using humor, or whatever distracts her. If it's something she has to do (like put shoes on) I might wait the tantrum out for a minute or just get the shoes on as fast as possible. Or sometimes she's willing to do things if I let her do them herself. It's hard because there are times when you can pick your battles, but other times when they really need to do as you say and learn when they need to obey an adult. All about independence and control at this age :). It will pass. Celia's approaching 2 1/2, and we have our conflicts but I think it's already improving a little.
ReplyDeleteIt goes in and out during the 2nd year...weeks of great behavior, weeks of testy behavior. And then on into age 3, but that's a different story. :)
ReplyDeleteMy daughter just turned 4, and we are seeing signs of relief. :) One thing that helps soooo much is giving her choices when she is having a tantrum. 2 choices that are acceptable to you, but make her feel like she is making her own decisions. For example, "do you want to wear the green socks or the white socks?" Or, "do you want to put your shoes on in your room or in the car?" Doesn't always work, but it sometimes avoids a tantrum, or helps get them out of one.
I also try and remember that it seems logical that we understand why she should act a certain way, but she doesn't know it yet. For example, we know that if she picks up a vase, it will break if she drops it. On the other hand, she has no idea that a vase will break, because she has never seen it in action yet.
Hope this helps, good luck. You are doing great, and we alllllll go through this. :):):)
Ugh. I think Kaya is starting early. She already has mini meltdowns when we just tell her it's time to change her diaper. I think she & Brooke are two peas in a pod. So far we just make her do it and she gets over it bit she definitely complains for a bit.
ReplyDeleteoh my....i'd have to say 2) no one ones to talk about their tantrum kids on their blogs..haha! i'm glad you said something...after all, it's real life! our little guy isn't two (not even one) but i hope you find some good advice and hopefully it is just a little stage ;) blessings!
ReplyDeletei totally agree with you...YOU will create a monster if you let her do what she wants to avoid it. i knew this mother at the kids preschool..her kids ran all over her...it was embarrassing in my mind and i felt bad for her...but i'm assuming it's because she didn't do anything when they were 2 or 3...by the time they were 4 and 5...whew! i keep that in mind on a LILY DAY..ie the day you described. i do a lot of redirecting. or attempting to. i usually try to do things that get her moving to get her mind off of stuff. she loves to dance...so we'll put on music...or i do more interactive stuff...she loves playing mommy and baby...i'm the baby most of the time. all i can say is...hang in there...it comes and goes in stages. each age brings a new set of issues. but you're doing right by letting the tantrum go. most of the time i leave the room and let her have it out. most of the time lily quits and follows me. ignoring is the best remedy sometimes
ReplyDeleteFortunately my first son didn't seem to ever get the terrible twos....it was the threes that did it for him :) But my second one indeed started earlier, more like terrible about to turn two's and is going strong at 2-1/2. It sounds to me like your doing the right thing in ensuring that she does what she needs to, tantrums or not. Just breathe through the tantrums and they will stop eventually :)
ReplyDeleteI definitely don't know anything about this but I'm sure you'll get through it together!!! Hope things improve!
ReplyDeletexoxo
I remember tantrums oh so vividly! New follower from Alexa Hop! Please stop by http://aboutamom.com to say hi!
ReplyDeleteI have no advice for you as we're not quite up to the 2-year-old stage yet and by no means have these things under control, but I can promise you that you're not alone. We've already gone through phases where our daughter has kicked up some wicked tantrums. When it's gotten really bad (thankfully at home and not in public!!) I've resorted to just walking away until she calms down. There really is no way of dealing with her when she's that worked up.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck to you and I look forward to reading what works for you!
I do not like reading blogs that depict their children as angelic 24/7. Kids are kids and will be bad at some point in their behavior. It's just nature. With that said, my girls both had "terrible" twos. It was not fun, we had some terrible days but they were far and few between. I think you just have to know that this phase will pass. And to pick your battles. This is one thing that took me forever to learn. Somethings you just have to take a deep breath and let go. Good luck!
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